A storybook pregnancy

I continue to cope with this pregnancy by exercising the everyday power of denial.  I marvel at friends who are the picture of happy, you might say normal, pregnant women.  I wonder where on earth they find the audacity to face all of the perils that lie ahead while I continue to plod along as if I’ve been plagued by a chronic stomach virus or perhaps a very generous desire to donate the contents of my meals to the local sewage system.

If only I were more susceptible to some of the magic that I encounter daily in g’s storybooks. We visit quaint little towns where cats write poetry and grasshoppers drive buses.  Why not a land where pregnant women make cheerful announcements upon reaching the second trimester?  How fun to browse colorful pages of bump pictures and sweet maternity outfits, baby names and nursery design and even, somewhere towards the end of the book, mythical happenings like baby showers and birth plans.  Of course, if you take the time to read the accompanying text, there might be some talk of bothersome symptoms and unpleasant twinges but no mention of the potential for fetal demise or the sometimes crippling fear produced by any honest examination of the world that our children will be forced to inherit.

It’s a sunlit, vibrant place that I’d like to visit a little more often. If only the book would never end and I would never be reminded that orthopterans are not really capable of operating buses after all.


5 thoughts on “A storybook pregnancy

  1. I wish I could say something more useful than “I know how you feel,” but it’s just as it is … I hope that there are moments of joy in the midst of denial, and that you can appreciate them for the miracle they are, and that you can be kind to yourself for feeling what you feel. Yes, it would be nice to visit a magical universe where everything turned out happily. But since we live in the Real World, all we can do is take it one day, one hour at a time, and marvel that we’ve made it this far, supported by friends and loved ones who are cheering us on every step of the way.

    1. Yes. Thank you Justine. I am truly grateful for the support. And I feel fortunate to be part of this community where so many people understand how unfortunately complicated this experience can be.

  2. What a poetic way of expressing this! I want to go to the sunny shores of that happy pregnancy land, too. I have moments there. And then a cloud slides over the sun and all goes dark.

  3. Sunny, vibrant things happen even to people who have had nothing but rain clouds before. I am hopeful, and, by the way, have an underground lab where I train all sorts of insects to perform various tasks. My train driving beetles are ready to go, so I have plenty of time to focus on those hoppers. Will get to it.

  4. This was beautifully put, & I truly hope you do find some magic in this pregnancy. Thanks for your comment on my blog, I’ve been reading yours for a few weeks & love your writing!

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