About all that time…..

In my mind I’ve spent the weeks since the boys started school (6+ of them) fighting the battle against both the pressure to collect too many commitments and the risk of squandering precious opportunities to be productive.

In reality, I’ve spent several mornings battling the ants in my kitchen.

Which is to say that life hasn’t actually changed all that much.  If anything, it feels healthier, closer to my personal ideal of slower and simpler.  And I continue to be grateful for my ability to perform the function of the flexible rod, capable of shifting and bending when necessary to absorb the impact of constant fluctuations in the system.

I am content in this place. But work is very much on my mind. I continue to try and carve out a viable space for myself in a job that I began last winter.  It’s unpredictable and undefined, which is fitting for a job in the agricultural sector.  When there is work to be done, it consumes every last one of those wide-open hours.  And when there isn’t it just simmers on the back burner, allowing me to make slow progress toward finally getting my fall garden planted and my closet organized.

Financial demands dictate that I increase the time that I dedicate to the kind of work that comes with a paycheck.  And I’m ok with that.  But I really hope it doesn’t mean that I’ll have to give up this time completely.  Because I’ve already become very very attached.

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3 thoughts on “About all that time…..

  1. I hear all these words, and see myself reflected in them as well. Except…I need something to fill the hours that has value. Right now, I feel a little outward pressure since I officially “don’t work” versus being a SAHM. Although, I think a great deal of this pressure is my perception. A strange, lovely transition.

    1. Yes. The one thing that I try to keep in mind is that it is up to us to define productive and valuable. I think it’s a fairly daunting, but important, task that sometimes means blowing off the outward pressure. Hoping we can both make the most of these hours, at least some of the time!

      1. Sometimes, when I feel the panic that I am now basically *”just” a housewife, or that I officially “don’t work”, I think about what you said above – a slower, simpler life. Am reflecting a lot on how my work allows my family as a whole a slower life.

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